Sexual House Arrest
Alas. Some times you begin attracting too many people. You end up wanting to mate with every interesting person between here and Indianapolis. And sometimes you can't stop. So how do you find a more meaningful love affair when you can't cease mating?
Here's how: I place you under Sexual House Arrest. This
gives you time to recover and gather your strength.
Unfortunately, when you emerge, you are even more uncontrollably attractive than you were when you were incarcerated, and so when you are released you attract
even higher numbers of people.
When I place you under Sexual House Arrest, it is absolutely Free, by the way.
RULES OF SEXUAL HOUSE ARREST
1. You may not kiss, cuddle, or mate with any member of either sex for the next three months.
2. You will email E.Jean the numbers of every person in whom you are really interested.
3. Clubs are cancelled. Bars are off limits. You are permitted to eat lunch, brunch, and dinner in public restaurants on condition you look stunning. You may also compete in motocross races, join expeditions to save Grizzly Bears in Montana, run the tables in Monaco, shoot in rifle, grenade and mortar events, and campaign for your candidate for the 2012 elections.
4. You will immediately email E. Jean the numbers of the beautiful people you meet.
5. You are forbidden to invite disasterously pretty people into your apartment, house, garage, bomb shelter, hovel, tent, trailer, garret, or summer home in the Hamptons.
6. You will not step one toe across the threshold of any fascinating person's domicile.
7. You will contact E. Jean once a day and tell her how you are doing. (And, yes, this deal works on the honor system and can easily be cheated, but nonetheless, E. Jean has seen it work brilliantly on the web site, www.Flaab.com, which she created with Kenneth Shaw.
8. If E. Jean suspects you are mating with one of the beautiful ladies or gentlemen you met while competing in the motorcross or gambling in Monaco, E. Jean will call that lady or that gentleman. And you don't
ever want E. Jean calling anyone you know.
9. At the end of three months you will have met eight or nine wonderful people and will be getting to know them. THIS is how you begin a lasting love affair.
Send E. Jean your name, your email address, and the phone number
of every attractive person you meet. (Just to keep you honest.)
During your Sexual House Arrest, you must check in with E. Jean every day.
ALAS, they don't make men like they used to!